dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
