Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
