All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
