i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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