OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
