I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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