We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
