I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
