A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
