Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
