I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
