the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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