Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
