You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
