This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
