So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
