she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
