True but thats because hes a fetus.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
