How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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