Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
