I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
