I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
