i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Let's get the cat blown out
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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