Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
