You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
