I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
