Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
