i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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