just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
