No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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