Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
