New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
