1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
