So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
