I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
