Your tits are I can't wait for
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
