Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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