we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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