I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
