She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize