Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
