once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize