i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
