this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My ATM looks so different sober.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
