Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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