and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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