have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
