Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
