White coat. Heels.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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