Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
