He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize