Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
