Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I understand Curling. That high.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
