mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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