if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
