They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
