Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
