We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
