Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
