You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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