I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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