I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
