Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
