I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I want to fling myself into the sun
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
