Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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