found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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