I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
