i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
