The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
