dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
