There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
