we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
