Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
