Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
