New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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