I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
