there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
