She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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