He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
