I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
