I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
