he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
