Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
