My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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