Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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