We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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