we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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