After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
