When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
