so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
