after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
