If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize