Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
