think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
