You really coming over, don't trick.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize