Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
